The Unvealing

here's a bit of a recap on whats been going on lately. well my mom lost her job because her company got a new boss and no that boss is hiring all of her people from her old company. so my mommy got the boot. but fortunatly my moms old boss works for a new company and they called her and she went to lunch with them today and she said she loved the pplace it was fresh and young and right up her ally. this was a blessing in disguise, i mean my mom was miserable at her old job.

anywho, i'm just trying to do this makeup work for mahans class so i can at least get a D so i dont have to take west valley classes -__- facebook def does not help with that. finals are next week and whatever ill just get through it. speaking of next week its my bday on sunday, i'm excited. i just want this years birthday to be fun, and i dont want people to get on my nerves. the past 3 birthdays i've had were not that great. 15th birthday my grandma's funeral was 2 days before. 16th my boyfriend @ the time was being a douche and got me in trouble and i couldnt do anything. 17th i had just moved in with my mom 6 days before, my friend was supposed to pick me up and drive me to redondo to celebrate but he flaked on me so i was home alone all day with no one to talk to or anything. so miserable. and with all the shit thats going on in my life i just want this day to be a good one.

i guess i just want people to appriciate my life. my exsistance. i feel like i'm just here.
so much is going on right now and it makes me wonder. i'm always taken for granted and over looked and i'm really quite sick of it. whatevs

this summer i think i am going to move back to southbay with my daddy. i miss him so much, he gets out soon. i miss all of my friends so much. thats where i belong anyways. i'm just looking forward to be able to live around my friends who care and can have a good time. i miss my best friend so much, damit. she's finally going out and i'm not there to be there with her, thats no bueno. i miss my life.

well... there you have it.

Should I stay, or should I go?

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?


...this always happens to me. so sick of it i sware.
-__-

Saba Shay

Fuck my life last night was so fucking bomb. So it was Saba's 18th birthday party bus party shit, and my god I had the time of my life dude. Like there's all these chill ass people that goto Taft that I fucking didn't even know, whoa! Ha, anyways i had purple lacoste pokeball and that shit set the night off for me :D We went to Malibu and blazed LOTS and just hung out and talked and it was good shit. Omg, Yosef was fucking that stripper pole up, he was NOT playing. Shit, my mouth is all fuckd up in the inside like there is no tomorrow. Shit I'm way stoked for spring break Saba's getting another party bus, damn that shit is going to be down as fuck!

FIST PUMP ALL FUCKING NIGHT SON!

Bipolar bitch

I don't understand what is going on with me. I was just really happy last night, and now i'm all moody and annoyed. i have issuse. i hate being home alone, it just give my mind time to wander, which is no good. i feel like i'm holding something back, but im not sure what it is exactly. Maybe it's just stress. yah that it, i mean Max is stressing me the fuck out with all the crazy shit he's been doing lately and has me REALLY worried, school is one big blur, thinking about after high school stuff, issues with friends, issues with a boy.. well not really issues but yeah. i don't know, i just need to get level headed and chill, or talk to someone. maybe i just need a good cry, hah SIKE! well, i know i won't be down in the dumps tomorrow, it's Saba's 18th birthday party and she's getting a party bus, Yossie's getting me a pokeball, so i'm good to go.

i really miss you.

The Pursuit of Happyness

Lately I have been thinking about what I want to do with my life alot. I've been a bit discouraged about what goals i want to set and achieve but i think i can manage something. I just had a brief talk with my longtime friend Christian Stanch. Whenever i'm in feeling a little down about thigs he always seems to pop up and give me that boost i need. He's always been there to do that, haha i guess he feels like he's obligated to because h was so close to my grandma. Why ever he does it i'm glad. That kid is bound for greatness. A true class act. Anywho, I just really need to start working on my portfolio asap. No joke time is money, and i have neither time nor money to be wasting. I just have this boost of confidence that i feel was highly needed. I'm happy. I'm ready :)

Birthdayyyy Sex?

so i'll be eightteen in 17 days. i'm really excited and other than my tattoos and nose piercing these are a few things i am dying to have.


^ this as a painting, i think kiana is making it for me.

^ i need to represent.

^ this damn birthday cake.

^ sex on the beach or what?

^ now thats some clever shit.

^ Aweweee!

^ classic.

^ the ultimate gift of all time.

i want you

but she needs you.

Game Plan

So I decided to watch Twilight and have a big cup of hot chocolate. Mmmm, that was such a great idea. The weather reminded me of Forks so much. Anyways, I think it's supposed to rain until thursday. That's suchhh a burn, but then again it's the perfect weather to smoke a blunt outside. I need to hook up with someone and make that happen. I'm listening to Britany Spears, haha ''gimmie gimmie more'' it reminds me of my friend Giselle Pina so much, ha. In other news, I'm almost 18! Which is like really exciting for me. I think I have like 2 1/2 more weeks or something like that. Yah, I don't know what to do for it though. Ahhh! ANDRE NICKATINA 3/27/10 <3

Rain, Rain go Away.

it's it's been raining uncontrollably these past two days. I mean don't get me wrong water from the sky it's all good, the plants need it, umm it makes things grown and shit. But damn, like it's the weekend i wanna go out and hit up Mama Jane <3 Haha, i don't know i think i', just a little bored right now. I want to goto Roscoes reallly badly! I think i'm going to cook some breakfast :D and then work on the Boutique Blog and do laundry :) HAPPY BIRFDAY MARTIN LUTHER KAAANG! ha

What Now?

I guess we can just wait and see.
But I guess it's safe to say that I can't get you out of my head.

So I'm just wondering..

Does this damn Joker & Ginz tune make you want to do things that you feel are illegal or just down right dirty?
Cause it sure as hell makes me want to. Oohf!

Meet the Fockers

:D

i'm glaD this is happening. we'll just see how far this goes. i Don't really know what's in store for the fufture, but i have a feeling that it's something gooD. i'm so exciteD to see what's in store.

<3

I refuse

to let you make me feel guilt.

one.15.ten

So yester/night Tiahna and Alfred and Dib and I all hung out. We got some weed and then Dib met us up later on that night. We smoked a few bowl on our way to this underground rave. We got there and there wasn't too many people there but I did see my homie Saint from Shores. He was getting on me because I haven't been raving as much, and because I'm still in high school and don't have a job. I guess he figured that when I moved I went to another continuation school, ha, but I didn't. Yah so the rave was alright no big deal they had noz, but it wasn't as good as the 153rd tank in lawndale. Yah so aftre that we were going to goto the strip in hollywood but we said fuckit and just went back to T's house, then Alfred and Dib and I smoked a few bowls. Weed was ok, I've had better. Went home made me a fruit salad, so bomb. Then called Dman and fell asleep shortly after. Over all an OK night, I've had more exciting.

Sometimes things get, whatever.

I guess things can only look up for so long. i mean i know myslef, it's not that it was a bad idea, somethings just aren't meant to be. maybe not now, and maybe they should be preserved for later. maybe not even that who knows. all i know is you cant fuck with the balance of things, and i'm just going to follow my mind. i don't need anyone telling me what i did was wrong because it wasn't. i'm not going to lie about something that's not there and that's the end of it so F OFF. it's one thing after another and i'm over feeling uncomfortable around people who i thought i was closer to.

On the brighter side of things, Mark is giving me my piece back. Happyness to me and my widdo baby Hubert who has been so wrongfully neglected these past 4 weeks or so. I guess i finally feel like i'm myself again, and to be honest it feels great.

Mama Janee

Oh how i've missed you. never again shall i forsake you.
inhale love. exhale happiness.

5 hours.

In 5 hours i'll be back at William Howard Taft Highschool. Break is officially O V E R. Bummer, I know. Not looking forward to school at all. The teachers, the work, most of my ''peers''. But I mean I look at school more as a social gathering than anything. I Ace nutrition and lunch with flying colors. But since it IS a new year, I guess i've decided to try harder for the remainder of the semester and 2nd semester. School isn't something I enjoy, but wether I like it or not, it will take me far in life for the most part. Unfortunately I didn't do Mrs. V's fashion project, and Tiahna didn't as well. We just aren't feeling the job anymore. Creating a magazine would be awesome, but I just don't want to do all of the work. it's pointless. Overall this winter break was pretty fun. For the most part i saw all of the most important people in my life with the exception of TWO. Hung with my friends and I didn't even do drugs :D Dispite the drunken fight I had with my mom on new years pregame everything was jammin' on the ones and twos. So I'd better at least try to get some sort of sleep, I didn't sleep AT ALL last night.

Shittin' Creativity

Mirror In Time.

Nights like these I just sit back and think about my life. Like I don't just sit and think about the now, and what to come, but I often dwell on the past. I think back on times that honestly should be forgotten, dead and gone in my brain, but something holds on to it. I always would say that I have this micro pink box in the left side of my brain way in the back, that stores all my sensitive past stories that I try so hard to forget. Maybe I just shouldn't forget. Maybe that box is there for a reason. I often thought that well, once I fill that void that the box will one day demolish. But I honestly do not see that day coming any time soon. Maybe that box isn't supposed to go away. Maybe it's storing up for the day that I can realize i need that box. That all those feelings can be used in a positive light. That those feeling will fill that void. That I infact was the one who caused all these unnecessary problems in my life thinking I was protecting myself. Nights like these I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am completely happy with myself for finally figuring out this puzzle. But then in the morning I still haven't dealt with what needs to be done. One of these days. One of these days I can speak out and not be afraid. I just have to remember that Sooner is always better than Later...

T0 BE C0NTINUED...

the more i think,

the more i fear...
well, not it's no so much as fear, but..
REALIZE.

Never Fails

I really want to help you, but you put in me in such a funk.
sometimes i take it out on other pEOPLE because of you.
-__- I have to help you, but I hate that i have to.
you only listen when you wanna, and it hurts me to see you hurt.
SO FUCKING STOP IT!
quit being such a tool and get your shit together and listen to me.. you're always asking me to help...
IT'S TIME TO GROW UP!

Undercover Brother

Yeah yeah you got me.
It's more than what you think.
Let's see where this goes.

The Good, The BAD, The Ugly.

So yesterday me and my sissy went to the pool, i invited Nick over but he was being retarded and pissed me off so yeah :P Anyways he and Mark picked me up from my house to goto his house and dom gave us a ride there. So... We chilled @ Nicks for an hour or so and then his mommy dropped us off @ Mission Burrito. So bombb <3 We walked to Nordstrom Rack, then Jamba, then Barnes & Noble. nick pretended to break up with me, and it made me REALLLLLLLY REALLLLLY MAD! -____- I'm serious! Then we went to amc area took pictures, and played games. We saw It's Complicated it was a really good movie i laughed the whole time <3 Cassie, Cristina, and Daniel met us up during the movie. After the movie me and baby had to walk home becasue we missed the bus -___- I'm kinda in trouble because i got home @ 2:30 and walked the crazy valley streets @ night, but.. I got to learn a lil more about my love. It was all good.

Round Two?

I think sooo. This year is bound for greatness. After waiting 17 long years of wanting to see a nigga named Andre Nickatina live, I get to see him once more. HOW CONVENIANT! Fuck I cannot WAIT to see him again. Friday, October 2nd, 2009 was the best night of my life... hands down!




ROUND TWOOOO!

I'm the new teacher. Hi, Class.

Papi No Mas

It's finally Over.

Nothing Feels Better...

Then when our lips touch...
well, wink wink ;P




FUCKKKKKKKKK!

xoxo <3

Backseat Action ;)

Today me and my boyfriend met Mark up @ his pad to goto the movies. We ended up not wanting to goto the movies @ all. So we had a nice dinner @ CPK.. Once more. Dom met us up there and we sat in there for like 30 minutes after we were done eating. Went to McDonalds so dom could get food and Nick and I made out while Dome and Mark acted retarded singing and shit, Bah! Dom played us and made them pay him gas money for nothing, haha. Had fun w/ my baby once more.. as usual and it was good seeing Mark.. Dom not so much... Just kidding :)

My sister and I.

We started out on top, then after a while things started to change. But it's all good. Notihng can break the bond that we have. Even though we haven't even known eachother for even a year she is still one of the closest people I have in my life. I love her with all my heart and know she will achieve great things this year, we both will. Let's get back on top, it's our year babygirl.

I finally...

get that Fresh Start. I'm so excited for this New year. Being able to get closer to who i've established are my real and true friends, my boyfriend, mend some wounds with the family. No better time to start over with a clean slate then now. I can FINALLY let go.

Resolution's

# 1 & 4 are in FULL EFFECT!

Last Night In Redondo '09

WAS CRAZZZEEEEE AS SHITTTT....
Old school Reunion and what not.
Went to RB w/ T, met up w/ Jeremy, Hassan, Cesar, and Tanya.
Waited for Jeremy to take a shower as usual. Jrey Met us up. Then we walked to taco bell to met heather up at her job. Shamim, Alejandra, an Katie met us up there. We chilled & chatted for an hour. The boys and I dipped out w/ T & Tanya to smoke a blunt (my last and final blunt). Went to the front of jeremys house and Romy and a not so suprisingly pregnant Neene was there. Romy got on my nerves alaot, she's changed much and I really don't like it, I doubt her and I will be getting any closer in 2010. Anywho, We had to make 2 beer runs. Then I had to walk all the way to Heathers from Romys and back to pick up a damn BP table -___- my hair got all frizzy from the nighttime beach weather. Well, Cesar tried to tell me to get a Cobra or something a little less heavy then my usual choice of 40oz. but being the stubborn individual that i am I ended up with the Steel Reserve 211. What a bad mistake. I straight pounded that shit and barely remeber anything from that night. Shamomo and Cmunns stopped though, Momo got into a fight w/ Kreps and Reck -___-
Went home drunk, mom knew it, and got into a really unnecessary fight with her, but things are better. I wont be drinking for a WHILE if not ever. TUH!