Aye doe!

I'm back in redondo @ my great- grandmothers pad. Just got off the phone w/ Nickolas :) And i'm just sitting here bored now. Life is going pretty well, minus the fact that i'm ''grounded''. That'll be over in like a few days once i butter up that mother of mine. Things w/ the group is going well, and there are finally no boy problems :) I don't think i'll have to worry about that anymore. I'm just really looking forward to the christmas party @ Gabey$ pad, and then new years. Super Stoked. So I gave my baby Hubert Cumberdale to Mark. Every since there's been a Nick and I, there's no more Hubert and me =/. I can't complain, you've gotta let some things go when your in love. Anywho, i'm really bored, sitting here in this snuggie. I don't know why people hate these things they are so cozy. I could be butt booty nakket in it and be warm as shit :)

Updates?

I think so. Found a guy that's really nice, and make me happy. Things are moving kinda slow, but I think that's what I need right about now. I'm more content with life right now then I have in a while. I am finally happy with living in the valley. I have a group of amazing friends that mean so much to me. I know what I want to do with my life, I feel like as if I have finally found my niche. I miss my friends though. I got a call from Jeremy and jerry the other day and like so much has been going down, I miss my boys a bunch. But I'm chill with where I am right now. I am changing my diet, no more fatty's and starch's and what not. I need to re-dye my hair it's annoying me. Wow I'm rambling. Anyways my group is having a christmas party at Gabe's house :) and we are having secret Santa's! How awesome will that be. Winterfresh is coming up! I'm so excited for this month. But i've never been so excited for christmas as much as i am this year <3 I can't wait.

Part 2.

So I talked to him. As a matter a fact, I'm talking to him as I am writing this. God :D Is all i can say @ the moment. There's been a lot going on lately. Lots of recurring old news that is really boggling my mind at the moment. Well there's always the boy that always seems to put a smile on my face. He is too much. In a good way, lol. There's the Addiction that pops up from here and there. Trying to handle that. I'm realizing why I feel like I need that so much. Over analyzing my situation with the Addiction won't help. Mind over Matter. Back to what I was saying in the beginning though. So I'm talking to him right now. And my god you have no idea how happy I am feeling right now. It's crazy how you can feel a certain way for weeks about someone and you not even know that they are feeling the same way. You want to tell them but you think that it will cause trouble when in reality that's not even the case. Well that's what happened. I feel like I have a chance now. I know if i do get another chance that I will for sure NOT blow it. There's no way I'm going to let him slip through my fingers again. No fucking way. I really hope things go my way this time, because if they do all my dreams and wishes would finally be true.

For better, Or for worse?

No More Greener Grass.

Hit My Lowest Low.
It's Been A While.
Didn't Think It Was Possible.
Misery.
LOVES.
Company.

Just realized

I lost the love of my life... It;s not what you think. Nothing you would have expected. I know, i know. This doesn't make any sense. But it's how I feel. I can't believe he is really gone. I hope not forever. I know he is happy. I guess I have to move on FOR REALS now. I kept ruining all my time with him. Now he's happy.. without me. I never thought this day would come. I am so lost. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost, and confused and hurt, and alone. I hate everything right now. I keep trying to make the best out of the situation, but all I want to do is cry. Cry cry cry, forever until i have him back. Until I can call him mine again. No one can ever take his place. No one can ever compare to him and his love. I know I've put people before him in the past, and I've done some fucked up shit to him, just like he's done to me. But we would always over come the bullshit. And now, I don't know if we will have another chance to be with each other. We've been by each others sides through our hardest times. And he's grown to become such a wonderful man, i just wish he could realize how much i love him, and how proud of him I am. God, words can't even explain the pain i feel inside because i know i probably will never have another chance with him. I'm sorry.

i love you. never have i ever meant those words so truthfully then to you.
MC<3

HALLOWEEN 2009!!!!!

WAS AMAZING.

So let's take it from the top. Tiahna and I went to Redondo to kickit with Dom, Dima, Stoia, Chase, and Jon before Monster Massive. Oh! and Brandon came as well. After we hung out there we went to pick up my rave son Chachee. On our way to Monster my brother Myko gives me a jingle and slimed a ride with us there. We got there and were waiting for my friend Jonah for about an hour and a half. He was selling me a fake ticket, but it was a reliable ticket. Unfortunatly things didn't end up going as smoothly as we thought they would. The tickets didn't work. I ended up lost for about 5 minutes because Jonah and melissa boned out. So as I was trying to get in the guy that worked at the Venue took my ticket and told this nasty black lady to escort me out. I was freaked out because I was alone and i didnt have a phone and all my friends got in I didnt know anyones number. So Tiahna was like run through the gate from afar, and i heard and i was walking with the crazy black bitch out of the venue and fucking I tried to pull some fakie football shit on her but theres no stoppin a nigga and she caught me. -___- She grabbed me so hard, it hurt so bad, I have such a fragile body and like i got bruises from her grabbing my waist. I was yelling and screaming and crying for her to let go of me. All the security came up and told her to let me go, and she didn't. All of my Kandi flew out of my bad :( Cuff's and Epic in all :( Anywho Chachee was talking to some black guy that worked there while this was all going on and apparently the guy thought i was hott so he made the black bitch let me go, and some other black lady told me to run in the gate. So I did. I was running so fucking fast, I was histerically crying balling tears -__- I felt like a little bitch, I never cry. I was like aching and so tired I just wanted to go home. Tiahna comforted me and Chachee is honestly the best son ever, he was hugging me and just being such a sweetie -____- I LOVE YOU CHACHEE. Anywho we got in as I poped right then. Chachee did his own thing I was with Tiahna for like 30 minutes then I dipped out. I have never danced so good or so long or hard in my life like i did that night. People were comming up to me taking pictures and wanting to meet me. I was on such a sick level. Some mexican was like your an amazing dancer and put 2 red Louis Vuttions in my mouth. I ate them. Clean ass double drop. I was mobbing around chilling doing my thing then This girl i was with for a few minutes gave me a Pokeball so I ate it :) Then I was really fucked up. I could barely see straight and it didnt help that I had my color contacts that arent even percription... Which i need because I can't see worth a shit. Anywho, I saw my rave parents Rhythm and Infinity. They were both so worried about me and made me come with them to the main stage. When we got there I saw everyone from Taft. I was like whoa that's a trip. I t was cool to hang out with the people from school since I usually never do. I hung out with Leiel, omg I looove him so fucking much, he was rolling fucking balllzzzozzs! He did all this ridiculous shit that made me trip even harder tan I have ever tripped before in my life. Oh my, so i was inspired.. i ate another pill :) Then after that I was with Omid for the rest of the night. He made my night so amazing, we were dancing and just talking about shit, he's way chill. Can't wait for Tuckers class so we can reminice. ARMIN WAS SO FUCKING AMAZING. Now i know why Leiel is like in love with him. his set was so magical and beautiful and words can't even discribe how poetic his set was! After the rave I went to the car and T and Myko were there. We waited for Chachee. and dropped them off. Went to Dimas @ 6:30 and crashed there, everyone was asleep and we just walked in the house. It was the funniest shit ever. We left @ 8. No one was awake. Overall an amazing halloween :)

Fryday Oct. 30th..

went to Redondo with Alfred and Alex. We met up with the boys and then got some Beeeerrrr :)
Headed to Ottos party. It was pretty chill. Kickin it with all the homies all fucked up making out with everyone, lol. It was a nice chill night. Until I got my ass yelled at by shamomo and jesus -__________________-
yeah i was fucked out of my head, bard out and x-fayded and fucking they killed my shit. good thing i got more bars after they went off on me so my night wasnt completely ruined.
I met this guy named Edward, he's really chill and sweet.
After the party me, Alfred, and Alex went to he and bozo's pad and blazed a bit anfd it was really cool, to just chill and relax from all the bullshit that had went down.
I spend like 50 dollars on drugs hat night.
yak, i had too much fun :)