Today

I realized everything will be ok :)

No letting go. . .

No holding back.

You thought I was finished?

Well, I'm not.

You're a complete LIAR. You lied to my face. Completely disregarded my feeling and everything I told you. For what? Why would you do that. And to think that I was actually going to be a nice nigga and not play you. I guess that was my fault for believing you, you're all the same. No different. Maybe I'm blowing this whole thing out of proportion. Maybe that's what it is. Or maybe you are just to foolish, and childish to realize when you have someone right in front of you that has been nothing but completely honest with you since Day 1. You just don't know how to appreciate a good thing. A good person at that. You are really mean, you know that. I felt so sorry for what that girl did to you. I just wanted to show you that all girls aren't the same, just like I thought you showed me that all guys wern't the same. I didn't hang out with my friends to show that i was loyal to you even though i KNOW you jacked my homies and I didn't even say anything because I cared about you and I didn't want you to get mad at me for accusing you. But FUCK all the bullshit. I honestly think that you deserve what she did to you. Really I do. You probably lied about that whole situation as well. The next girl you get with wont put up with you being all mean to then, she'll say something to your ass instead of keeping it in. She won't wait all night for you to call her when you PROMISED you'd call back in 30 minutes. She'll goto bed and not give a flying fuck wether you even wake up in the morning. I mean I'm not even mad at you. We go way back, your the homie no matter what. I'm just disappointed in you. You told me all these lies about how hurt you are, and how you just needed someone to be there for you, and i told you I was. And you couldn't even be there for me. You couldn't even be a real man and keep it real with me. I guess you got what you wanted, and now your ready to dip. Sad part is I knew I was your rebound girl, and you said I wasn't. You said if you were going to be with anyone you wanted to be with me.. I guess that's what I get for taking my game face off and trying to be real with you. I couldn't see that all this was, was a joke. But now I do. And now all I have to say it fuck it.

Now Im Finished -_-

-_____-

WOW. Honestly I don't know why this is affecting me so much?! Why am I mad about this?! Why am I letting him bother me?! He's totally getting under my skin. Why does this always happen?!

I mean, it's not like this is the first time something like this has happened to me. It happens all the time, just my 'luck'. I just want to know why it's affecting me so hard.

Maybe it's because I actually believed what he fed me. I can't believe I did that. I usually have my game on lock, and handle my shit. I guess for the first time I wasn't trying to play games. Guess I chose the wrong guy to be real with. Damn, what a SLAP in the face =/

Well whatever. I guess I can't hate the playa.. Just gotta hate the game.

..Just some thinking

It's about 4:38a.m and I am wide awake. I sware I have a sleeping disorder. Anywho, I was listening to my playlist on Itunes, and all of a sudden all these Panic! at the disco songs come on and I'm just like, ''Whoa!'. This band brings back so many Jr. High memories! God man I sware Since 7th grade to now I have gone through so many transformations. I mean then again who hasn't. But golly, now when I think about how I changed it's kind of funny.
I remember when I went to Rogers middle school, and all the girls wanted to beat me up cause I was cuter then them, lol. And I was 'wannabe chola' then I started to hang out with black girls and turned to 'wannabe ghetto' , then my dad was like oh hell nah you're not gonna be no ghetto hoochie your ass is going to adams! So I went there and I thought I could be cool and be 'ghetto' but, most of the 'black' people saw through all that so I gave up. Haha, then I was sort of 'bitchy preppy', i had a bit of a 'scene' look going on for a while... I'd wear the bangs over my face and blackkkkkkkkk eyeliner and listen to panic! haha then I went back to the whole 'wannabe chola' thing haha. Then in high school haha. Freshman year.. what was I. Oh yah a 'slut' ha. Then sophomore year I was all 'dgaf'bahah! Junior year in the beginging I was like sorta wanna be 'mexi' but somewhat 'preppy' then towards the end of junior year I was just... Well idk what I was. I'm pretty much the same. I don't knpw what to call myself. Or if I should even put myself in a catagory. I guess no matter what 'phases' I go through, I'llalways be the same 'ol Monie. Hey, that's fine by me :D

!!August 22nd, 2009

Oh my yesterday was such a fun day. I honestly haven't had that much fun in such a long time!

In the day was super chill getting fayded and playing super smash bros at Robbys pad.

Freaking getting bootleg Chipotle [Quadoba] w/ T, Shamomo, and Cory.

Meeting up with Jeremys drugged out ass at Pizza Man jacked a Bottle of Captain MO, handled that shit. Jerry came over to Jeremys backyard haha. Honestly I wish we would have had a camera to record how gone Jerry was it was honestly the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. We all mobb to CVS and jacked some Burr, then went to a party.. It was Chunty as FUCK! But it was so much fun. I don't remeber much from that night, I prolly shouldn't have eaten that Xanax, but you know me.. I don't give a SHIT!

Haha. I haven't had pure fun like that in a cool minute :)

I wanna do it again!!!!

Stoked for my BeachFRY sesh this week !

?!Still wondering

Why does this always happen to me, what do I always do wrong?

-This sucks =/

!!Lovefes photos

!!Ay thooo

Tell me why I am happy as shit, LOKEY.
I don't know why, because I should be sad, or like dissappointed or whatever, but I just can't.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

So, this weekend was some shit.
REALTALK.

Went to love fest, and I knew we wouldn't get in. Hah
BUT T and I copped a sickass spot that shit was so down I sware.
I hung out with Aaron FINALLY and my Son Josh :)
Freaking idk, ahah Had a conversation with the cops while i was ona sick one bahah.
Went to redondo :) Got dropped off while T Brandon and Alfred went to like San Diego or someshit and to pick up Yosef from love fest, and hella shit went down. Better not said, baha.

In a nutshell, I had a pretty decent weekend :)
I'm stoked for Thursday, I already know that shits gonna be funnnnyyy as fuckkkkk!

:) YAY!

!!LoveFest Tonight

YEAH! I am really stoked! Like I doubt that we will even be able to sneak in that shit, but still we're gonna fucking have a blast! Wooho! Fucking I have a son now this niggas name is ChaChee, this niggas down as fuck too! YAY! It's about time I got me some kids, too bad he's a bastard child, Y.A.K. fuckit though.

WOho, We are about to take fucking 757465785847935438 photos haha
<3 YAY!

?!Why

I was about to write a big ass shit about how sad and hurt and disappointed i am.

but you know what FUCK THAT.

I'm over it. All I need is a bleezy and i'll be iight. I'm done with Niggas lieing to me.

!!Horoscope

Friday, Aug 14th, 2009 --

You can feel a relationship struggle developing now, even if everything looks pretty good. You are quite hopeful that the current conflict will simply dissipate all by itself before it erupts. But unspoken issues lurk beneath the surface and they are like monsters in a nightmare waiting for you to let down your guard. Keep shining the light of your awareness into the shadows to bring your fears out into the open where they can be put in their proper perspective.

Whoa, this is right on point.

!!Aug.13.09

Haha, Tonight was some shit.

REALLLYYYY FUCKINGGG FUNNY.

Me and Tiahna and our random Hyper Outburst, and Alfred driving into trash cans and his side view mirror bursting in my face!

What can I say... I love Alfred & Tiahna!

!!Tired of waiting

On yo PUNK ASS! You are really about to miss out on something good. I'm not just saying that because it's me and my emotions being fucked with, but it's the truth. Be real with me ga'damnit I told you from jump that all I want is honesty and NO FUCKING GAMES.

<3love you

!!This Nigga Skarecrow

Bahahahahahahaaaaahhhhhaaaaahhhhhaaaaahhhaaaahahah!
He's really funny!
And has amazingly cool hair.
But tell me why!!!!??? I have never formally met this Nigga.
WE have been talking for like th LONGEST time ever haha and like know a lot of the same people, and like all kinds of shit. Have been to parties at the same time and walked by each other, I think we have even sat next to each other I don't remember and like we NEVER speak to each other LMFAO!
That really trips me out. Like I bet there are so many people that like you do that with, you can see them like damn there everyday in different places and never notice them.
Whoaa! Hahaaa. . . That's some shit.
But yeah, Stoked for LoveFest fucking this Saturday, I Need to get my rave on, I haven't properly done it right since fucking EDC, not chill.

!!Happy Birthday

HEATHER-RACHELLE STRAUSE <3

I love you and I miss you Oodles!

YAY, You are finally 17, although you have been 17 for about 4 years now!

it's about time you little shit :P Tehehe

I hope you have a great day today and eat your favorite food ;P YAK, Haha.

This weekend we are going to run a straight muck, and get all buckwild and what not!

i love you lil mama, best friends fo life <3

:D

Adulthood is the children's prison

When we are young Adults are always trying to tell us what we can and cannot do.

They are telling us that that we just need to sit down and shut up and listen to them because they are always right.

And because we are young that what we have to say is irrelevant.

But then at one point they try and instill a sense of responsibility that we aren't ready to withhold.

They leave us bewildered. Because they for so long have tried to tell us that we ''young and dumb'' and on day it's ''time for us to grow up'' we don't know what to do.

They don't understand that we will find our way on our own time. We should never be forced to grow up.

Adulthood IS the Childrens Prison.

?!Feelings

Are a pain in the ass.

Especially when you have so many and don't even know where in the hell they come from.

Sometimes I wonder why I feel the way I do. i mean everything seems like it should be going perfectly. I feel fine, and ''happy'' and then all of a sudden I get this huge wiff of sadness, and it just pounces on me. I don't even know where it comes from. It's scary.

I don't even know whether I am feeling too many emotions or not enough emotions.

I guess I just don't wanna feel this shit because it's weird.

I guess I'm just tired of waiting for things. Things that will never happen.

Waiting for people. People that will never come into my life.

!!Hardfest= LIMPFEST 2009

FUCK! I am so pissed off.

I spent 90 dollars for absolutly NOTHING!

Muy Terrible!

Anyways I was seperated from my family before I even got in, which wasn't that bad.

But when I got in, I couldn't find then, Nor could I make it to the main stage.

B U N K !

I only got to hear Budy p..which was good.

Crystal Castles.. whose mic's were fucking up.

And a piece of Jack beats set.. which got shut down.

I couldn't get into the underground stage.

My friends dropped the gate down and so we all mobbed over that shit s=rushing through the crowd and running over securtity guards.

Then everything got shut down at like 10:30.

So me and my friends mobbed it to Sizzlers for the ''Parkinglot Party''

Which was way chill.

I love angry ravers, I must say they are the best.

Now that i look over at that night, It really wasn't THAT bad.

I mean at least I get my money back.

And now I can get my bong and sac of weed that I wanted to get in the first place.

:)

!!Fuck

is my favorite word -__u

.!Forever Foolish

I am so sick and tired of allowing people to make me look like a fool.
I can't keep being there for people who could care less about my feelings.
I can't keep trying to make things work out when I should already know that shits NOT going to go in my good favor.
I can't keep pushing away the people that I know for a fact love me, for people that I WANT to love me, but know NEVER fully will.
I just can't keep worrying about everyone else, and everyone elses' bullshit that they have going on. I have too much going on with me.

I don't want to sound all emo and shit, but I mean that's fucked up what people do to me.
I'm a nice person, I mean at least I think I am.
I may say a few things, but I never mean any of it.
I don't deserve to constantly feel this way. I mean I really don't, it's unhealthy.

I give my heart out to so many people and they demolish it. Leave NOTHING left for me to have. Nothing left for me to love myslef, and be able to be there for myself.
I guess i can't constantly blame them. I have to blame myself for being such an iddiot to GIVE my heart out.

Is it seriously THAT hard to listen to someone, to be there for someone, to care about someone?
I don't think it is, I do it all the time, it's pretty FUCKING easy if you ask me.

Maybe I'm too needy. I mean I don't have my grandma anymore, my dad for about 3-4 years, my aunt for another year, my mom's just there, the rest of my family really doesn't understand me... my friends are weird at times, the guy i am with or talking to i guess has his own thing going on i guess. I really have no one here for me and it's not making me sad, it's pissing me the FUCK off.



im over it.

?!Aug.3rd

Alfred Grahm is a DUNCE!
Haha, we busted a big ass mission for NOTHING.
Haha. This foo still twacked out from infocus.
Baha, I love him :)

?!Secrets

...never make friends.
But sometimes when they are about friends, you shouldn't intervene.
Secrets are never known until someone digs them up.
In my experience, I tend to dig. I'm a nosy ass nigga, I'm not going to lie. But sometimes when you find out a secret, you're just like '' Dayum,I did NOT need to know this! ''
That's the part I hate. But the worst part is when you are just lurking with no intensions on finding anything in particular, and you see the one thing that you hoped you wouldn't. You find out things and it just breaks your heart. You don't even know what to say, and you can't say anything because you wern't supposed know in the first place.
That's the worst.

secret

?!3rd Blog

Yeah, I know I know.
I'm a dumb little fuck.. right?
So basically, I forgot my email address, AND password for the 3rd time, hence: The newest blog.
Anyways, I can't forget this one.
So if I forget my email address its: monieeeee@aol.com. I can remember my password.
DON'T let me forget!